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Joke of the Day

"I'd like two tickets, please. - Is it for The Hobbit? - No, she's my girlfriend."

"*walks past yoga studio* *looks in window* *eyes widen* Awesome. It's like kindergarten. *walks into class* *unrolls mat* *takes a nap*"

"My new app is called Tech Bubble. It makes all the other app icons on your phone float around like bubbles. Current valuation: $3 trillion."

"Why can't Jesus eat pizza? Because he doesn't exist."

"If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!"

"Q: Did you hear about the marketplace where everything cost twelve and a half cents? A: It was a bit bazaar."

"Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ? Santa Paws !"

"Childhood is like getting drunk.. ... everyone remembers what you did except you."

"There are only two types of people I hate in this world... Racists and black people."

"Why couldn't people find Joseph? He was Haydn!"