68784

Joke of the Day

"My new app is called Tech Bubble. It makes all the other app icons on your phone float around like bubbles. Current valuation: $3 trillion."

"Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him? It was an emergent sea."

"I once auditioned for ""Man Laying Fertilizer"" in a commercial, and afterward, they asked me to do it again but to keep in mind hes straight."

"Q: How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A: A buck an ear."

"I used to have to read my kids a bedtime story every single night until I started randomly killing off characters to amuse myself."

"strong password Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars."

"I once watched a mime choke to death on a street corner and everyone applauded. For a couple of reasons."

"We all know by now that when someone says, ""I'm sorry, I never got that text,"" they ABSOLUTELY got that text, right?"

"Why could Joseph never get anything done? Because he was always Stalin.."

"Having hearing problems? Turn down the volume on your porn. Problem solved!"