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Joke of the Day

"I tried to kill a spider by drowning it in douche and now it keeps picking fights with me on social media"

"Why was the battery arrested ? cuz it was charged with electricity ."

"What's a doll's favorite food? Barbie-Q!"

"Here's your social security card. It's paper and has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck asshole."

"My astronomy professor told me I was his star pupil."

"Why should you never go drinking if you wear a monocle? Because then you'd be a barnacle."

"*spelling bee* ""Your word is disaster."" ""Can you use it in a sentence?"" ""That outfit you're wearing looks like a natural disaster."""

"Hannibal Lector must have slept around... I heard he was quite the man-eater."

"Person: ""That's a beautiful baby."" Me: ""Thanks, I named him after his grandpa."" Person: ""Awe, what's his name?"" Me: ""Grandpa."""

"I saw a viral video today. It taught me a lot about STDs."