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Joke of the Day

"I saw a viral video today. It taught me a lot about STDs."

"Every day is the first day of the rest of your life. So I live like a newborn, sleepy and confused."

"The anti pick-up line. ""Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? [pause while smiling] Because it looks like you landed on your face"" I'd love to hear some of yours."

"What did the cat say when he lost all his money ? I'm paw !"

"A World War II joke What was the German Shepard's defense at his Nuremberg trial? ""I was just following odors."""

"'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'"

"U2 donated that album without charging, and we hate it. That's pro bono and anti-Bono at the same time."

"If you find a fry on the floor and you don't share it with me, we can't be friends. Don't touch me. Monster."

"What did the right pussy lip tell the left pussy lip? We used to be tight"

"I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night... ""You're a big lass, aren't you?"" I said. ""Tell me something I don't know,"" she replied with a tear in her eye. ""Salad tastes nice."""