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Joke of the Day

"Person: ""That's a beautiful baby."" Me: ""Thanks, I named him after his grandpa."" Person: ""Awe, what's his name?"" Me: ""Grandpa."""

"Q: What is long, black and stinks? A: The unemployment line"

"I've been called the Trump of the bedroom... Because sex with me builds up emotional walls that they end up paying for."

"You know those disgusting people who lick their fingers instead of using a napkin in public? Hi."

"I got banned from the sperm bank the other day... They said I couldn't come within five hundred feet of the building."

"I have trouble even monotasking."

"Politics is like a car you press ""D"" to go forward and ""R"" to go back"

"Stumbled upon my sister's porn while on the family computer That's the last time I google her name..."

"I couldn't get tickets for the Plan B concert. So I had to go with my first choice instead."

"I just got an iPhone 7S for my wife I thought that was a good trade"