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Joke of the Day
"to keep things interesting in the bedroom, try bringing in a second laptop"
Next Joke
"What is Fonzi's favorite letter of the alphabet? ""F"", for Fonzi. Duh."
"Approx 4,500yrs ago men would wake up everyday to build the great pyramid. I got up this morning with anxiety about unloading the dishwasher"
"Mexican Magician The Mexican Magician says ""I will disappear at the count of three. Uno, dos..."" *POOF* And just like that, he disappeared without a tres."
"Shout out to the sense of wonder in the eyes of children. Also to pistachios. I'll eat a shit ton of pistachios. Mmmm pistachios."
"If olive oil is made with squished up olives and nut oil is made with squished up nuts... What's baby oil made from?"
"Saw a black guy walking the streets carrying a tv and I thought ""is that one mine""?... ... then I remembered it couldn't be mine because mine was mowing the lawn at the moment."
"Light a man a fire... Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Light a man afire and he'll be warm the rest of his life. (I know it's a repost, but I've never seen the play on words, shame)"
"Me: I crave your sweetness on my lips Her: Who are you talking to in there? M: *stumbles out of pantry with Nutella all over my face* nobody"
"i thought i heard a dog approaching but it was just some hot girl's keys jingling. i fixed my hair for nothing"