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Joke of the Day

"...it's like what the mussel said to the clam... ""I wouldn't wish that on an anemone!"""

"Archimedes Principle floats my boat."

"What is a jew on a swing? A annoyance to German snipers."

"[wife yelling in waterpark] ""BRENT SOMEONE IS STEALING THE CAR"" [top of huge slide] K IM STILL GONNA TAKE THE SLIDE DOWN CUZ IT'll BE FASTER"

"If you're wondering what all these scratches on my chest are from, it's because my cat hates to get in the hot tub with me."

"I've never met an air conditioned room I did not like."

"Eventually we'll all just have one app on our phones that electrocutes you when you stop looking at it."

"What's the difference between a tuna and a piano? You can tuna piano but you cannot piano a tuna."

"Husband Call to her Wife from Hell.... A man in Hell asked Devil: Can I make a call to my Wife? After making call he asked How much pay... Devil: Nothing, hell to hell is free... :-)"

"What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard? Figuring out what to tell you about first."