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Joke of the Day

"This fortune cookie I just had said 'Off yourself' & my lucky numbers on the back was the phone number to a local gun shop."

"Did you hear about the Polish suicide bomber? 42 successful missions"

"""What's a good gift for someone who has everything?"" Meth. Next year they'll have nothing it'll be easier."

"""What a nut job"" I exclaimed, on my first day as President of Almonds"

"What's the difference between a muddy bicycle and a ditzy lesbian? One is a dirty bike and the other is a derpy dyke."

"If Gillette made toilet paper, we'd be up to 4 or 5 plys by now."

"What do you call a negative antelope? A Cantelope."

"Woman at dentist"

"With the Holiday Season right around the corner The Transvestites of America Union would like to remind you to eat, drink, and be Mary."

"Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months."