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Joke of the Day

"So on your resume, under references, you wrote ""it's a trap!"", ""do him job"", ""that rug really tied the room together, man"" and ""The Matrix"""

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"An apple a day keeps no one away unless you have meticulously good aim."
"How do you circumcise a redneck? You kick his sister in the jaw."
"I'll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome."
"Two crows are in jail. What are they in for? Attempted Murder"
"When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked!"
"[1773] ""Your majesty, last night some angry colonists dumped our tea into the Boston Harbor"" *three English ladies faint* WTF THIS MEANS WAR"
"What's the difference between an apple? A bike because a vest has no sleeves."
"I've just accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles... My next shit could spell disaster!"
"How do you kill a redneck? Wait until he's fucking his sister, then cut the brakes on his house."