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Joke of the Day

"Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months."

"I got a Rolex for his birthday from the lesbians next door. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch."

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton run for president. Who loses? America."

"Recent studies have shown that women who have 2 glasses of wine per day are more likely to have a stroke. Women who have a bottle of wine per day might even suck on it"

"I'm selling my talking parrot..... Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me."

"If your parents say, ""You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up"", remind them that they'll have to die for you to be Batman."

"Approach a woman in a bar and whisper ""Hey, wanna get out of here?"" If she says yes, you can sit where she was."

"When life gives you lemons, you should peel one in front of the other lemons. You know... to send a message."

"Somebody told me I need to give my new Smart Car a name. So I called it 'Octomom' because even though I can technically fit 8 people in there, it doesn't mean it's a good idea."

"What stops rape every single time? Consent"