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Joke of the Day

"Inspired by T.G.I.Fridays, I opened a place called C.L.I.Thursdays. It closed down though because most guys couldnt find it"

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"""911 what's your emergency"" IM DYING ""what happened"" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES ""lol pics or didn't happen"""
"What's my favorite Jewish star wars character? Jewbacca"
"I let a Jehova's Witness inside the other day and asked him, ""what now?""... He replied, ""I'm not sure, I've never gotten this far before"""
"The last time I saw my friend Peter he was counting. ""75, 76, 77..."" he said, as he began to walk away. I don't know what he's up to now."
"My wife said she was leaving me because I'm too kinky I almost choked on her piss when I heard it."
"I have a pet tree... It's just like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter."
"I've been trying to sell my child to any house that will take her. I'm a daughter door salesman."
"What do you call a chica on the go? Chicago"
"Mexican artists were hired to make Donald Trump look more ""authentic"" to the Mexican demographic. So they drew a bunch of penises on his face."