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Joke of the Day

"The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave."

"What's next to Moscow? Pa's cow. I'll show myself out..."

"Before my surgery, the anesthetist offered to use knockout gas or whack me over the head with a canoe paddle. It was an ether/oar situation."

"My teenage daughter is very odd She literally can't even."

"Congrats to #LeonardoDiCaprio on his first Best Actor Oscar. You can stop sacrificing goats now."

"I'd make a joke about Jonestown... But the punch line is too long."

"My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?"

"How do you tell a crazy Jew that it's all in his head? ""It's psychosemitic"""

"When your boss asks you ""do I look stupid to you?"" it's a rhetorical question I know this now"

"What is long and hard that women don't have compulsorily? The military service."