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Joke of the Day

"If masturbation really made you blind... ... how come I'm still able to typaanco goauma oa,"

"My husband just got to level three on netflix: ""faking an illness"" to finish binge watching I'm on level 6: ""faking your own abduction"""

"I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier"

"What did the zombie body builder say? GAINSSS!!!"

"What do you call a hippopotamus wearing Tie Dye? ... A hippiepotamus"

"50 Cent used to be 1 Dollar... But now he's only half the man he was."

"What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common? They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV"

"You call it premature ejaculation, I call it being 15 minutes early."

"""Of course I have a mandate!"" Donald Trumpler shrieked at reporters. ""Master Putin is picking me up tonight for dinner and dancing."""

"I hate it when I go to the supermarket and the employees there comment on my groceries. Always with the ""Hey, sir, you have to pay for those!"" Every damn time."