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Joke of the Day

"You call it premature ejaculation, I call it being 15 minutes early."

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"What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ? Black mail !"
"All serial killers... Drinks water..."
"What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds? Exit the European Union."
"I have a gun by my bed. So in the event of an intruder, I can shoot myself to avoid having to interact with a human being."
"With Tim Cook being gay and all... It's no wonder he likes dongles so much."
"People keep getting mad when I say I'm a God.... ... They all say I have a me complex"
"Lorena Bobbit died in a car accident today From what I hear, some dick cut her off."
"Apparently, saying ""make it a double"" followed by an awkward wink doesn't work at the pharmacy."
"Where'd I drop my waffle? At the beach in San Diego."