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Joke of the Day

"My husband just got to level three on netflix: ""faking an illness"" to finish binge watching I'm on level 6: ""faking your own abduction"""

"How do depressed people play the violin? With a razor and their wrist."

"What's the difference between abortion and terrorism? Terrorism is funded by the US government!"

"BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. ""Hitler's haircut is literally the worst,"" she writes. ""Also he's mean."""

"I had a Mayweather joke but,... It ran away."

"If you only had 1% battery left on your phone, what would you tweet? Because clearly we'd still tweet."

"Hillary Clinton Style Condoms! *Rigged for her pleasure*"

"3-year-old: Daddy, I love you *hugs me* Me: I love y- Did you wipe your mouth on my shirt? Most of fatherhood is just being a good napkin."

"A giraffe was at an airport security check line. The security guy asked ""Is that your laptop?"". The giraffe replied ""I thought you would never ask."""

"I bet the first gay Transformer will morph into a Prius."