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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes, to impress girls, I use big words that I don't fully understand... ...in an effort to sound more photosynthesis."

"I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet."

"I'd like to thank my gps for making me feel like the star of an action movie every time it waits too long to tell me where to turn."

"Women have always been selfish, even when they were created. They had to have 2 x-chromosomes not 1."

"Wife: You act like a child with that phone. Me: Child? I'm a grown ass man. Wife: Let me see your phone. Me: No. *snatches phone Me: MINE"

"Why is it a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you..........Bad Breath"

"Q: Why do women wear makeup and perfume? A: Because they're ugly and they smell bad."

"What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this sh*t."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate pizza before it was cool."

"Tried to take my girlfriend to get a physical.... ...they kept turning me away saying ""sir, this is a palm reader"""