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Joke of the Day

"Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?"

"If they make a new Contra game with the original one as a minigame inside it... Will it be a contraception?"

"What's the difference between PHP and PCP? One makes you: * feel numb * see things that aren't there * panicked and paranoid * feel loss of control over your actions. The other is a synthetic drug."

"A small agency has opened in the UK to sell potential extremists to ISIS. Not surprisingly, business is booming."

"How do you find an obese woman's vagina in the dark? Go through the folds of fat until you smell shit, then go back one."

"Why doesn't the gas balloon want to have a flame? 6 Because he could become a brandfare"

"Iron Man is a super hero. Iron Woman is a command."

"I just purchased Big Foot repellant. Er, sorry, a camera."

"How exactly is carrying a screaming two year old different from playing the bagpipes?"

"I Wasn't Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That's when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!"