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Joke of the Day
"In Canada... ...you are more likely to be killed by a moose than a terror plot. Damn Mooselisms."
Next Joke
"The first thing you'll need if you're planning on stealing an ostrich from the zoo is a car with a sunroof"
"what did the psychiatrist say to the man wearing nothing but saran wrap? I can clearly see you're nuts!"
"Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg out, Put -spider hokey pokey"
"What's up? This guy! (points at self)"
"Smoking is a scientific wonder! It kills people, but cures salmon."
"Ever say hi to someone and immediately regret it because now you know you have to say hi to them forever?"
"What do you call a nice Jewish Lyft driver? an Uber Mensch."
"What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?... When ur done, u can drop her off anywhere."
"Hermione Granger: What can I wear that won't make me look fat? Ronald Weasley: An invisibility cloak"