195625

Joke of the Day

"A guy goes to the zoo but there is only one animal... It's a shih tzu."

"For some reason, I'm not in The Guinness Book of Records. Even though I was *definitely* the first person ever to touch my penis."

"Feet are legends"

"I ran out of toilet paper at Hartsfield/ATL. Then I remembered my mom had told me I could use pages from a book in a pinch. I gotta say...it's really hard to wipe with an e-book."

"I don't know what I'd do without Twitter. Probably my work."

"Fun prank: Find a sleeping spider, crawl in its mouth and lay your eggs. Turn the tables. Give nature the finger. Live it up."

"It was recently discovered that Pluto is not actually a dog."

"What do you call a two dentists that live on opposite sides of the world? Molar opposites."

"What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues? Underlay! Underlay!"

"When my kids get older I'm going to discourage them from drinking.This way if I need a liver I can just harvest one of theirs."