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Joke of the Day

"(Dark humor) what's the difference between a sandwich and a dead baby? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it."

"SON: Is it true trees kill more people than wild animals do? [tree hiding in broom closet tenses up] DAD: Nonsense. [tree sighs in relief]"

"I can only please one person a day, and i already pleased myself this morning.. so y'all are screwed!"

"Yesterday I avoided a rape of a woman - And how you did it? - I convinced her."

"What Did Cinderella Say When She Got To The Ball? Cough, gag, choke, etc..."

"Some people may call me an agnostic but I'm a God-fearing man -- afraid she might exist"

"My friend told me he holds a world record in quilt making I suspect his whole story is fabricated."

"Why should you never trust an atom? Because they make up everything."

"If Kim Kardashian is allowed to sue Old Navy b/c a model looks like her, then Khloe Kardashian should expect a lawsuit from Chewbacca."

"What did the mayonnaise say to the refridgerator? Close the door, I'm dressing!"