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Joke of the Day

"I set my kid's dollhouse on fire then asked: DO YOU HAVE INSURANCE?! DOES BARBIE HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN?! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! Life lessons"

"What did Kellyanne Conway say about the leaked e-mails? They're just alternate fax."

"Me: Sorry, I can't tonight. I already made plans. Him: That's too bad. There's going to be open bar and-- Me: What time should I be there?"

"You're not fat, you're just... easier to see"

"Did you know that your body is made 70% of water? And now I'm thirsty."

"the women in tampon commercials should switch places with the women in antidepressant commercials"

"What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Donald Trump? Bill fucked fewer people in the Oval Office."

"What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him? URINE. I'll let myself out."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Zero, feminists can't change anything."

"judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison my lawyer: your honor my client respectfully requests a year be added to his sentence"