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Joke of the Day

"[someone kicks a dumpster out of anger] ME (from inside): Who is it?"

"What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia? Austronomers"

"One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball."

"How did the monster cure his sore throat? He spent all day gargoyling."

"Useful information: don't turn around if a woman throws a shoe at your back. Because more than likely the other one is in mid flight."

"Why do women live longer than men? They're not married to women."

"A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra. The mom asks, ""Why on earth do you need that?"" The little boy replies, ""isn't that what you give dad when HIS shit won't get hard?!"""

"I was pleased with the first day of The World Cup, and even more pleased that it didn't turn into ""2 Girls, 1 World Cup"" as I had feared."

"Why aren't there any Walmarts in the middle east? Because there's Targets around every corner."

"Sweatpants are the uniform of eating ice cream."