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Joke of the Day

"Useful information: don't turn around if a woman throws a shoe at your back. Because more than likely the other one is in mid flight."

"Now that the Olympics are over, Michael Phelps can finally be released back to his natural habitat; the couch with a bong."

"""Oh you like this cake? (*Tosses cake out the window*) Oops."" - Game of Thrones"

"how many jews can you fit in a car? 2 in the back, 2 in the front, ad six million in the ashtray."

"What's E.T. short for? So he can fit in his spaceship."

"*hands cashier $100 bill ""Ya have anything smaller?"" *crumbles up $100 bill and hands it to cashier"

"Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger cross the road? To **GET TO THE CHOPPA!!!**"

"What do Mike Jones and an owl have in common? Who?"

"I'd love a video montage of every single time I've walked into a room and forgotten why I'm in there."

"I didn't wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed, now I'm worried about my vagina."