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Joke of the Day

"""sir can you describe the stingray that attacked you?"" yes it was like a weird pancake"

"Bernie Sanders only has one night stands It's totally not his choice, but women tend not to call back once they still Feel The Bern the next morning."

"What did Jesus said to his girlfriend in the morning? ''Damn, you really nailed me last night''"

"if at the end of every year you find yourself posting on social media how ""this year sucked,"" it's time to examine the common denominator"

"What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in fog? When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you."

"MY WEDDING: tetris theme plays as i slowly inch down the aisle, trying to perfectly fit my finger in the ring"

"What does the day of election and Taco Tuesday have in common? So much shit is going down today."

"Weekend settings activated, please don't call unless if its alcohol, food, fun, alcohol, fun and food again. All problems deferred to Monday..."

"You know what is intense? Camping. Is intense."

"Mom: Sorry, I won't be able to come in today. My son's got stuck in the washing machine. Boss: Aw okay. Poor thing, how old is he? Mom: 27"