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Joke of the Day

"MY WEDDING: tetris theme plays as i slowly inch down the aisle, trying to perfectly fit my finger in the ring"

"Look sad dragging a kite on the ground at the park and sometimes people will let you join their picnic."

"""Hey mom, I talked to my teacher after school and she says 'hump day' isn't a real holiday... She also asked what you do for a living."""

"Summer was especially good this year in Canada... If I recall correctly it was a friday"

"Hitler on mining ""Sir, we are mining too many useless ores"" [Hitler rubs chin] ""So mine less"" [Grammar Nazi bursts through the door] ""MINE FEWER!"" [Hitler looks up] ""Yes?"""

"Why were there balloons in the bathroom? There was a birthday potty."

"""Hey, did you see that article about cats invading the internet?"" ""Yeah, I reddit."""

"""I'm sorry, sir but you have cancer and you only have 5..."" ""5 years left to live? 5 months? Tell me, Doc! Tell meeeeee!"" ""5...4...3...2...1"""

"As the pair of scissors steps up to the starting line, the other runners quickly realize that this race just got a whole lot more dangerous."

"What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water? One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink."