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Joke of the Day

"Where does a mansplainer get his water? From a well, actually."

"A baby seal walked into a club... =)"

"Gf: why have you been googling 'can you milk a hamster' Me: *wipes milk from mouth* it was for a tweet"

"Cam Newton has been fitted with a GoPro strapped to his leg for the Super Bowl, sponsored by a canned meat company. It's called the Spam Cam Newton Gam Cam"

"*KNOCK KNOCK* OPEN UP ITS THE POLICE ""What do you want?"" YOU'RE UNDER ARRES- ""No."" ..NO?? ""No, I don't want to be."" *whispers* Shit now what"

"What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You've gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message"

"What do you call a electric Volkswagen? A **Volts**wagon"

"*sees guy having a heart attack* me: quick somebody push a cookie in his mouth! person: isn't that for diabetics? me: it's what I would want"

"A class is learning about probability.. Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head? Girl: For a penny? Not very bright."

"How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI? The cigarette."