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Joke of the Day
"If I can eat or drink it in less than two minutes, don't tell me it's 3.5 servings."
Next Joke
"[Gets on one knee] Margaret- [Pulls out ring] Will you- will you please hide this, Gollum won't stop following me."
"Dogs are all ""huh?"" while cats are all ""ugh."""
"I have cancer. I can't sleep. Entertain me - tell me a joke about terminal illness or insomnia."
"I never trust a Tom. They are far too often involved in foolery or peeping for my liking."
"Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky stopped smoking cigars? Now she's just bummimg cigarettes!"
"What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at a busy intersection? A pointer!"
"The labels on prescription bottles are just suggestions, like speed limits."
"The camera adds 10 pounds but a barbershop smock and fluorescent light is more like 25."
"What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird"