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Joke of the Day

"""If you woke up with Vaseline up your butt would you tell anybody?"" ""Um No"" ""Wanna go camping?"""

"Me: I don't think Grinding Dory is appropriate for the kids. Wife: I said FINDING DORY & we need to discuss your internet usage."

"An atom is mugged by another atom... A bystander asks if he's OK. ""I think he got away with my favorite electron,"" he answered. ""Oh no! Are you sure?"" ""Yup, I'm positive."""

"What is Dracula's pornstar name? Vlad the Impaler"

"If you are an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European"

"Did you hear about the baker that failed at making white bread? It went a rye."

"My dog jumps so much, I think she might have a disease Seems like leaprosy"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's now working in pest control... He's an ex-terminator."

"Lif is too short."

"Never propose to a girl who is a professional fighter. If the engagement is canceled, she isn't leaving the ring."