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Joke of the Day

"Never propose to a girl who is a professional fighter. If the engagement is canceled, she isn't leaving the ring."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two... just don't ask me how they got in there."

"What has 9 letters and makes everyone mad? Clickbait"

"What did the right boob say to the left boob? ""You're my breast friend"""

"The rotation of the earth Really makes my day"

"Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious"

"My buddy has been so annoying bragging about how he only sails on a ships maiden voyage... Fuckin shipsters"

"I used to be in a wheelchair.... But I kept getting pushed around. I thought this joke up at work where we deal with wheelchairs and thought I'd share."

"*storms out of office bathroom* *slams roll of single-ply toilet paper on boss's desk* I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS"

"Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?"