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Joke of the Day

"Today I pissed my pants in Walmart and they offered me a job."

"FYI: If someone says ""I'm game,"" you can legally shoot them. You should probably check your state and local hunting regulations though."

"7: Its the last week of school so we don't have to go. Can I stay home? Me: Ha! Nice try, kid. Teacher: Its true. Me: Ha! NICE TRY, TEACHER."

"She says talking to me is like talking to a kid. Therapist: And how many years has this been going on? *holds up 6 fingers* This many"

"A fob told me something the other day"

"Asked my dad to explain how big a thousandth of an inch is. ""when you go for a deep ass scratch and you look at your finger and sure it may look clean, but then you smell it."""

"All these phone companies advertising for ""More lines, more savings!"" But when I do more lines my savings go to shit."

"Why are pirates so mean? I don't know they jusr Arrrrrrrr!"

"""Was that lightning?"" No... they're taking pictures for google earth."

"How I get my dick to be 12 inches? I cut it in half"