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Joke of the Day

"All these phone companies advertising for ""More lines, more savings!"" But when I do more lines my savings go to shit."

"Why would they add ""twerk"" to the dictionary? People that would use said word can't read."

"""There are Nutella stains all over the silverware."" It can't be me. I lick them before I keep them inside."

"A girl from the office is trying to get me fired for sexual harassment because I've been giving her ""inappropriate massages during work"" I said, Good luck sweetheart. I don't even work here."

"A screwdriver walks into a bar... The Bartender says, ""Hey! We have a drink named after you!"" The Screwdriver says, ""You have a drink named Murray?"""

"What type of car does an African drive? A Sudan"

"Patient: Doctor you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I JUST DID DIDN'T I YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!"

"What eats everything? An Om-nomnivore"

"Love means never having to say youaTMre Canadian."

"With all this beef going around about Chris Brown and Soulja boy fighting, one things clear This isn't going to be the first time Chris Brown hits a bitch"