99207

Joke of the Day

"She says talking to me is like talking to a kid. Therapist: And how many years has this been going on? *holds up 6 fingers* This many"

"Shout out to the ampersand for always being willing to stand in the gap & help make our tweets complete by giving back those extra two lette"

"You know what I hate? People that start their statements with rhetorical questions."

"a culture caught between afraid of being seen as too expressive like a hipster or completely inexpressive like a basic person"

"Do you like raisin cookies?.. Then why don't you adopt one?!"

"Why was Oedipus against profanity? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth"

"I'll huff I'll puff and I'll smoke all of your stuff. -Big Broke Wolf"

"Did you hear about Prince? He died."

"I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley Thanks to months of therapy, I'm finally battling my Damons."

"he died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish"