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Joke of the Day

"Hard to take the guy who made my sandwich seriously as an ""artisan"" when he seems so unperturbed by the way I rape his art"

"How are men like fuses? Once they're blown, they're useless."

"I wasn't trying to break you up, but she asked me what I did last night, and your name came up. *shrugs"

"Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you're in Starbucks."

"What do you call it when a transcendentalist author looks at old photos? Thoreau Back Thursday"

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheeeeeettttt!"

"NAZI: I'm a Nazi MEDIA: How controversial NAZI: I said I was a Nazi MEDIA: Your clothes are beautifully tailored"

"Just saw an old man in the park feeding the birds Wonder how long he'd been dead"

"I asked a Chinese girl for her number..... She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"Hotel room bathrooms really overestimate how much I want to see my own naked body."