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Joke of the Day

"I wasn't trying to break you up, but she asked me what I did last night, and your name came up. *shrugs"

"I wish I was in better shape but I also wish I could fast-forward this pizza tracker."

"A pirate made a spoof about his bird. It was Parroty"

"Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra? It had suction cups."

"What does a Jewish pedophile say? ""You wanna buy some candy?"""

"Positive thinking comes in all shapes and sizes at your nearest liquor store..."

"I was in a band One of our roadies was a German man. There was a Czech one too. Czech 1-2, Czech 1-2"

"Going to spend some quality time with my wife. Be back in 2 minutes."

"Whenever I fondle breasts, they fall off. It's true, I fell tit with my own hand."

"What is the difference between God and a police officer? God doesn't think he's a police officer."