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Joke of the Day
"Hotel room bathrooms really overestimate how much I want to see my own naked body."
Next Joke
"What is best potato? Latvian potato is best potato. Is kind you spend whole life looking for. Also, low calories."
"Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl"
"When your boss says ""you're getting a little behind,"" he won't appreciate it when you wink and say ""been working out-thanks for noticing."""
"I can't believe they still have commercials for phone sex. What kind of sick maniac enjoys ""talking on a phone?"""
"Why do I wash my clothes in TIDE? ... because it's too cold out-tide."
"I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables."
"Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old block."
"If you see a man running down the street tonight, blowing a whistle & wearing a life guard shirt...don't worry, I'm just chasing my dream."
"What does a landmine field and my pet friendly apartment complex have in common? It doesn't matter where you step, shit is about to happen"