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Joke of the Day

"Adopted Friend I feel really bad for my adopted friend. He is going through an existential crisis. Which sort of makes him like his Dad. He doesn't really know who he is."

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"[opens fortune cookie] be careful what you wish for [opens another] this is your final warning"
"Ray Charles has said he doesn't mind being blind.. Because at least he isn't black!"
"If your boyfriend is ever about to break up with you, yell ""what about the baby!"" You'll be in a relationship for at least another 5 minutes"
"Sad iPad Why was the iPad sad? Someone took a bite out of its Apple."
"What do you call Murayan Sukumaran's new wife? A necrophiliac."
"Why did the condom go flying through the air? He was pissed off. (It took me an embarrassing amount of time to get this one.)"
"[wakes up & turns to wife] ""I had a nightmare. You died."" ""Aw. It was just a-"" ""Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."""
"Advice in elections How do you win an election? By giving out candy"
"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Fish"