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Joke of the Day

"[opens fortune cookie] be careful what you wish for [opens another] this is your final warning"

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"A man enters zoo enclosure to feed the tigers. succeeds"
"Why did the hovering guitarist always look worried? He was always fretting over something or other..."
"If you love someone, set them on fire. If they come back, it's a phoenix"
"What's the best way to make a bull sweat ? Put him in a tight jumper !"
"Didja hear about the LGBT DJ in Paris who'll only play 50's US rock songs? Yeah - he calls himself ... wait for it ... Cousine Brucie"
"Slowly crawl towards your sleeping dog, put your face directly next to its face, and whisper ""I know it's been you shitting in my yard."""
"My wife tried to make antimatter in the kitchen But she ran out of counterspace"
"Brian Williams told me if I lied I can get to the front page."
"Didn't think these orthopedic shoes would work, but I stand corrected."