190408

Joke of the Day

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Unless you work in the alzheimer's wing of a nursing home, then you get lots."

"Over all these years, you'd think I'd remember how important the ""L"" in clock is...especially when asking mom if I can borrow dad's."

"Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo."

"What is comedian and former MTV show host Tom Green's favorite brand of pen? Uni-Ball"

"Why did the feminist fail in programming? She hated objectification."

"How did the hipster narco escape from prison? By going underground"

"This pun may hurt a bit But I'll tell it to you straight: Hemorrhoids are a pain in the ass *...and I'll be seeing myself out*"

"""Talk dirty to me!""she begged. ""Alright,"" he said leaning closer, ""Volkswagon diesel!"""

"Why don't they have driving classes and sex ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia? Because the camels get tired."

"-Come on, it's time to go -No -We are going to be late -I hate school -But Mum, you have to take me!"