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Joke of the Day

"Over all these years, you'd think I'd remember how important the ""L"" in clock is...especially when asking mom if I can borrow dad's."

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"eBay's search feature can be so useless sometimes and other times be equally worthless with overkill. I tried to look up cigarette lighters and they had 13,749 matches."
"Punctuation Let's eat Grandpa Let's eat, Grandpa. Correct punctuation can save a person's life ."
"Excuses are like assholes... Fuck 'em"
"Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge"
"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? The ""P"" is silent"
"If you take a picture of a man named Richard... Is it a Dick pic?"
"What will a blind, deaf child with no arms get for Christmas? Cancer."
"Yo guys, does it smell like updog in here to you?"
"[First person to ride a horse] 'I'm going to sit on that thing and I don't care how angry it gets.'"