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Joke of the Day

"The deeper the pit you're falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly."

"Got a problem with me? I'm pretty sure a status on Facebook won't fix it."

"What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an acronym? An acronym stands for something"

"[shipwreck diary] Day 3: dude next to me can hold his breath for 3 days. Going on 4. Very impressive."

"You know... When someone says to you ""Jesus loves you."" It's always comforting. Unless you are in a Mexican jail."

"What 2 things do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common? They both ate honey and they both have the same middle name."

"Doctor, the suppositories you prescribed for me are horribly bitter! -- Have you been ... eating them? -- No, I've been shoving them up my ass!"

"When someone says ""everything happens for a reason"" I'd like to smack them and say ""yeah, I guess you're right"""

"Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle."

"Q: Why don't matches play baseball? A: One strike, and they're out."