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Joke of the Day

"My waterslide technique has been described as 'oafish', 'dangerous' and 'how did you get into the penguin enclosure'."

"What did the computer say to the virus? scRAM"

"So what exactly can I learn on the Internet? Anything you like - it can even teach you to talk like an Indian. How? See? It's working already."

"Why is the fridge shaking so much? It's running just fine. Probrably because it's so turned on!"

"The story of Snow White teaches us something very important: NEVER eat fruit."

"[me narrating a documentary about the pyramids] I really want a Toblerone for some reason."

"last night, my wife started smoking. but it was ok - I just slowed down a bit and used some lube."

"GOD: Moses!! I COMMAND YOU TOcan you take your shoes off MOSES: What? Why G: I'm trying to keep the place nice, OK? M: It's a mountain"

"One of my ancestors invented the glove Well, he had a hand in it"

"Four years ago, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. (not an original)"