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Joke of the Day
"last night, my wife started smoking. but it was ok - I just slowed down a bit and used some lube."
Next Joke
"Sometimes when I'm sad, I'll go to the park and, from a distance, look thru my thumb and index finger and begin squishing people's heads..."
"Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment? A: She can't say ""No""."
"[racist] What form of humor is nonexistent in black culture? Dad jokes"
"If I was a waitress, I would plant fake engagement rings in every girls champagne glass, just to watch the boyfriends panic."
"Procrastination is like masturbation It awesome until you realize that you've fucked yourself."
"My 5 year old is stuck inside a duvet cover right now so I think I'm going to go for a walk and just let Darwin solve this one."
"What was Lincoln's worst decision as President? He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth"
"An 81-year-old woman in the U.K. went sky diving to help raise money for a local hospital. They didn't raise a lot of money, but they did get a new patient"
"Don't have your phone number posted on FB if you don't want me calling you at 3am drunk asking for the recipe of that cobbler you posted."