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Joke of the Day

"GOD: Moses!! I COMMAND YOU TOcan you take your shoes off MOSES: What? Why G: I'm trying to keep the place nice, OK? M: It's a mountain"

"[Family Dinner] Me: Grandma, please pass the updog. Sister: *Pinches bridge of her nose* Grandma: What's updog? Me: Not much, how about you?"

"How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it."

"My girlfriend broke up with me. When she did, I gave her a note that said ""Great Job!"" I wanted things to end on a positive note."

"What do you do if a gang of clowns attack you? Go for the juggler."

"A pedophile and an 8 year old are walking into the forest.. The kid says to the pedo, ""I am scared"" The pedo replies, ""You're scared?? I have to walk back alone!"""

"What do sex and air have in common? It's no big deal unless you aren't getting any. Heard on the radio."

"I'm Dyslexic, Agnostic, and an Insomniac. I lay awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog."

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin"

"Reminder: 2011 should be pronounced ""twenty eleven."" Prince did not sing about partying ""like it's one thousand nine hundred ninety-nine."""