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Joke of the Day

"Nephew drops my iPad, doesn't say sorry but proceeds to offer me a biscuit. His future in Politics is secure."

"If life were a romantic comedy I would be the guy on a date with the girl when the male lead makes his grand gesture that wins her back."

"Anybody who says they could never conceive of killing another human being just needs to meet more people."

"Religions are like farts... Everyone likes their own but thinks all the others stink."

"What do you call an underwater restaurant that serves cured meats to sharks? A Sharc-eatery"

"I have a dog that can perform magic tricks. i call him Houndini.."

"Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV? His parents weren't 18 or older."

"My boss told me, ""Dress for the job you want, not the job you have."". I'm currently sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my batman costume!"

"music joke As the Cellist in our string quartet, i can't help but feel the other musicians are looking down on me. sorry about that, i will just be getting my coat."

"I'm suffering from bad breath You should do something about it! I did. I just sent my wife to the dentist."