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Joke of the Day

"my dishwasher stopped working.. i heard sometimes you just have to give em a good kick, and they'll start right up again so i tried that, then she dumped me"

"I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket. ""Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"""It's not you, it's me. And me. And me! And me. And me."" - schizophrenic break up"

"Sometimes you have to cook ur own food and jerk off in front of your girl to show her that she can be replaced."

"How do you spot a meth - head in Wal-Mart... In the light - bulb isle with their cart turned upside down, fixing a squeaky wheel."

"How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it."

"""someone bring me soup."" -every hot girl with a cold ever"

"A vagina is like a warm toilet seat on a cold day It's nice, but you can't help but wonder who was there before you."

"What do you call a smart blonde? A mircale"

"Why shouldn't you let a Pokemon take a shower with you? He might Pikachu."