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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a chocolate cake?? A dindonuffin muffin"

"Boss: You're not fired but we're taking away all your responsibilities. Me: Cool, a promotion! Boss: No-- Me: Sounds like a promotion to me."

"If Daryl doesn't get laid this season, I'm gonna have to say that this documentary is fake. #TheWalkingDead"

"What's worse than an overthinker .... Sorry I didn't think this part through..."

"Evening news is where they begin with Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't."

"Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real."

"When my twitter crush rt's another girl, a little part of me dies. And so does she."

"Oh, Obama's credit card was declined? Michelle must have called the bank and told them she was tired of her husband always ""going Dutch."""

"Life is like a box of chocolates: Disturbingly expensive, yet... vaguely disappointing."

"My daughter asked me what it was like when I was a kid, so I took away all her electronics and made her play with a Rubik's cube."