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Joke of the Day
"When my twitter crush rt's another girl, a little part of me dies. And so does she."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between hitler and a gay man. A 45 degree angle."
"[shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them"
"Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There's an advertisement for baked beans on the side but we don't sell them!"
"(Waiter) ""What can I get you sir?"" (Gastronomist) ""Something with a simpler plot."""
"[screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT ""FIGHTING"" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT"
"I'm sorry, everyone who wrote stay cool in my yearbooks"
"What Do You Call an Epileptic in a Pile of Leaves? Russell"
"My wife said she was watching he weight I told her to get some glasses. Edit: I need some too"
"Did you hear Rolf Harris is dyslexic? rofl"