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Joke of the Day

"What mistake have you made when your wife comes in from the kitchen to yell at you? Made her chain too long."

"My preferred method of birth control is ""mood-killing repetitive DVD menu."""

"Dude turned from the ATM and tripped sending about eight 20s flying into my face. I teared up a little. I get strippers, I get it."

"A man was killed with a starter pistol today Police think it might have been race related."

"I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not her main present, just a stocking filler"

"This is how the disaster happened. Poop : knock knock. Anal sphincter : who is this?? Poop : Fart. Anal sphincter : OK. Pass!"

"*puts leash around pet lobster* I think there will be games and lots of friends to play with Pinchy *walks into Lobsterfest* COVER YOUR EYES"

"I love how coffee tricks me into believing I'm in a good mood for about 27 minutes"

"I have a doorbell chime for text messages. I just checked my door twice. I don't have a doorbell. Line up boys. This kinda genius is rare."

"Some people say , well I'm glad I'm not as crazy as Jon . And I'm like glad I'm not as crazy as the people in the loony bin . The people in the loony Ben are like.... I'm glad I'm a squirrel."