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Joke of the Day

"I have a doorbell chime for text messages. I just checked my door twice. I don't have a doorbell. Line up boys. This kinda genius is rare."

"I accidentally ate too much alphabet soup yesterday and had a huge vowel movement."

"I want to open a donut shop called Hole Foods."

"Two heads aren't better than one if you're both stupid."

"""I piss off a lot of deaf people when I talk"" -Italians"

"What do you call a dizzy asian? Disorientaled."

"Have you been to /r/brucejennerspenis? I heard it was removed."

"The best dad jokes are the ones you'll never hear... ...the black ones."

"I want to start a band called Absolute Zero. People will say we're 0K."

"If ever you feel unlucky you are. the world is 4.6 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as Donald Trump."