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Joke of the Day
"I hear seatbelts save lives! Nope, nevermind, still have cancer."
Next Joke
"Rihanna, what did you mean the wind gave you this black eye? No, I said it was Breezy."
"1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note. Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil."
"How do you convince your neighbor to share their water with you? Try to get a long well."
"My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking"
"If i don't get a B+ or better on the Emergency Broadcast System Test this Saturday. My mom said she's taking my iPhone away for a month."
"I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs. She replied ""Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."""
"""Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."" Me, to my empty bag of Oreos."
"What did the doctor give the Asari with an STD? Anti-biotics"
"I laughed a lot harder than I should have Man: do you know why fat people are so comfortable? Lady: why? Man : because they eat so much comfort food"